In the future we'll all be gay
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
