i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
