if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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