Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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