im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
