1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Boobs are out for the taking
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
