I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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