finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
