The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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