Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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