Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
