i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
