spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
