Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize