matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
