I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
