: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
