5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
