There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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