I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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