then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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