i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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