I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
