there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
