so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
