I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
