I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
