I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
