tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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