Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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