why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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