Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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