Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
