Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
