That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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