There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
