actually, I'm a sock model
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
