so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
