I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
