32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
