Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
