I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
