Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
