My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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