Pappa wants mamma naked
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
