between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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