K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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