True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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