I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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