Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
