remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize