she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
