Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
