my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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