I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is Oprah even human
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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