I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
