I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
