she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
