Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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