What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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