Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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