my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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