How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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