sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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