Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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