and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
