I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
