just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
