You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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