im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
