so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
