There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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