went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
