we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
