Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
