'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
