Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
