I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
