Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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