Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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