actually, I'm a sock model
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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