So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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