he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
