I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
