what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
