Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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