i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
