I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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