Im at strip club and am horny
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
