it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
