living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
