found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
