so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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