He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
