He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need moral support for this bender
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
