Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
