I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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