We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
