Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize